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  Now, she wrestled with what to do with Nathan’s legacy. She feared bringing the music with her on the voyage. If something happened to the ship, his music would be lost. She could not take that risk, knowing that this trove was the most important piece of her husband. She was intent upon preserving it so his memory would never be lost. As she gathered everything she planned to take home with her to Nantucket, she carefully selected other things to leave behind. Nathan’s music was among them.

  On board a sleek new ship and three days out from Melbourne, Melba and Aaron were awoken from their sleep by a cascade of alarm bells ringing loudly on all decks. She immediately feared something terrible was happening. She was gripped with terror as she quickly dressed and went with her son to join their fellow passengers topside where the captain was preparing to speak. Dawn peaked at the horizon and the skies promised to be clear and bright. Melba looked over the side, half expecting to see the ship listing, but nothing seemed to be amiss and no members of the crew appeared to be alarmed. Still, the captain’s face was serious. She expected the worst.

  He announced that the ship must return to port. A wireless message had been received in the night, proclaiming the start of military action in Europe. He did not describe the conflict between Britain, France and its allies against the German Axis as a World War because he knew little more than anyone else. In fact, neither he nor his superiors back in Australia had any real information. Their concern was Japan. The tiny nation far to the north was ever belligerent in the region, especially on the high seas where ships from Australia and New Zealand were often harassed. In the absence of any knowledge about what Japan might do now that hostilities in Europe would drain British protection, the only prudent course was to return to port to await more information.

  Eighteen

  It took a full minute before Jimmy realized that the knock on the door wasn’t part of his vexing dream. It was eight in the morning and he was in a deep sleep, wrestling with the puzzle that endlessly filled his slumber. When he was sure someone was at the door he slipped out of bed and hastily pulled on his jeans. The knocking continued until he turned the knob.

  Peggy’s eyes met his with the familiar penetration that had always made him feel slightly unworthy. For a moment, he didn’t know what to say. He was unprepared to face the confidant he abandoned without saying good-bye.

  “Hello Jimmy,” she said, retreating from the entry without smiling and clearly self-conscious. He stepped into the sunlight, letting the door swing shut as he studied her face. The words came without premeditation. His conscience demanded release.

  “Peg, I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes widened, but she did not respond. Jimmy felt the color rise to his cheeks, embarrassed that these were the first words he could muster after eight years of silence between them. She backed away, looking down at the grass at her feet.

  “Skip called last night and said you were back. My girls go to school down the road. I thought maybe we could get breakfast.”

  “I’d like that.”

  Jimmy was grateful for the short walk to the breakfast shack. It gave him a chance to collect his thoughts. They took a table by the front window. Both felt uncomfortable as they perused the menu in silence, but after placing their orders, the inevitable conversation began.

  “Girls?”

  “My daughters, Alice and Charlene.”

  “Alice, after her Aunt?”

  “Yes.”

  “How old?”

  “She’s six and Charlene is four.” Jimmy did the math. Peggy must have gotten married within two years of his departure from Vermont.

  “Still living in Barton?”

  “Yes. My husband and I have a dairy farm. You know it, the Rapter place next door to my dad’s farm, four hundred head, three hundred acres.”

  Jimmy whistled. “That’s bigger than your dad’s.”

  “Joe has his husbandry and soil science degrees from UVM. He wanted a big place. We’ll buy my dad’s, too, when he retires. We’ll combine them.”

  “Doing well?”

  “We started a cooperative three years ago. Most of the farms around here joined. That stabilized things a bit, kept the big guys honest and the speculators at bay. We’ve been profitable ever since. Projections look good going forward.”

  “Always the economist.” Jimmy relaxed a bit.

  “You know me.” Peggy seemed to grow calmer as well.

  Red Limoges owned a prosperous farm in Barton. Peggy’s father was respected for his good judgment and willingness to help his fellow farmers whenever things got tough. His wife, Hillary, was well educated and devoted to her husband, always at his side, working just as hard to keep the farm running smoothly. She wrote poetry in her spare time, chaired the Vermont Poetical Society, and frequently placed her work in national publications. Together, they raised Peggy and Alice to be freethinking, independent women.

  Both girls excelled in school. Peggy attended Dartmouth where she earned a degree in Economics, Magna Cum Laude. Everyone was surprised when she spurned dozens of job offers to return to Vermont. Alice took a circuitous route, starting at Syracuse University where the sorority life took precedence. Hillary unceremoniously yanked her wayward second daughter and made her work by her side on the farm for a full year before sending her off again, this time to McGill University in Montreal. Alice also graduated with honors and immediately embarked upon a writing career.

  “What about you, Jimmy? How’s the music world?”

  “Taking a break at the moment.” Peggy mulled this, looking out the window.

  “Alice said you ran into a some trouble.”

  “I lost the band.”

  “Is that why you came back?”

  “I’m trying to figure things out.” Jimmy sensed that she didn’t like his answer.

  The orders came and they raised their forks in silence. For his part, Jimmy was conflicted. The first time they met was almost as awkward as he felt at that moment. Alice, always impetuous, set her sights on Jimmy from the moment she heard him play. She couldn’t gain entry to Skip’s because she was too young, but she was persistent. She and her high school friends became a fixture on the lawn behind the hall every night during the two summers he was there. When Jimmy emerged at the end of the night she rushed to his side. Alice could be aggressive.

  He lived at Holland Manor, a huge Victorian house that took occasional boarders a mile down the road from Skip’s. Tillie Holland owned the place, she was seventy-five years old, but still cleaned the rooms and made the beds everyday. It helped that there were few residents.

  “Take this,” Skip said, thrusting a slip of paper at Jimmy when he arrived for the first time. “You can get a room there for the summer. Ask for Tillie, she’ll set you up good. Just be sure to follow her rules; no booze, no girls, no noise.”

  Jimmy took the piece of paper. “What about my guitar?”

  “Don’t know, ask her. Just do whatever she says.”

  As Jimmy was leaving, Skip spoke again, “Just so you know, Tillie’s my mother so keep it on the up and up. Otherwise, there’ll be trouble for both of us.”

  Peggy played with her food. “Remember how we met?” Jimmy looked at her wanting to smile, but afraid. “Alice was always looking for action. Couldn’t keep her down on the farm.”

  “Scared the daylights out of me.”

  “We can laugh about it now, but it wasn’t so funny when it happened.”

  “You’re the only one she listened to.”

  “Me and Hillary. I made sure mom never found out about that night.”

  “You know Alice is doing that sort of thing in the industry. It’s how she gets her scoops, but her rep is taking a hit.”

  “Just so long as she doesn’t get hurt.”

  “I thought Tillie would wake up with you pounding on the front door.”

  Peggy chuckled. “You were supposed to be her first. The college boy with the guitar.”

  “How did you happen to come l
ooking for her?”

  “Hillary sent me over to Skip’s to bring her home. When I got there, you were already finished for the night and most of the kids were gone. I couldn’t find her, so I headed straight for Tillie’s. I didn’t know you, but I knew her. It didn’t take much for me to imagine what she had in mind. Of course, you being a guy, I was sure you would be willing.”

  “I leaned the Gibson inside the door. Before I could hit the lights she whispered from the bed, ‘leave them off.’ I bet I jumped three feet.”

  “You didn’t say anything?”

  “No time, you were already banging on the door. Do you know she was naked under the covers?”

  “When she came out buttoning her blouse, I had a notion.”

  “I found the switch and turned on the light. By then, you were hollering her name. I didn’t know who it was outside, but she sure did. She got out of the bed, kissed me on the cheek and picked up her clothes from the chair. I turned away while she got dressed. Then she walked out without another word. The last thing I heard was the car driving off.”

  “We had quite a conversation on the way home that night.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  “She let me rant. Then she made it clear that nothing happened. By the time we got to the farm, she had me laughing about how surprised you looked. I made her promise not to do anything like that again.”

  “Threaten to tell your father?”

  “No, I said I’d come back with a knife and cut off your you know what.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “Just a thought.”

  Jimmy lifted a fork to his mouth. “The next night, when you came over to me after the first set, I saw the resemblance and made the connection.”

  “Not good for something like that to get around. I wanted to be sure you kept you mouth shut.”

  “I’ve never said a word.”

  “I know.”

  “Summer got better after that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You and me. I needed somebody to talk to. You listened.”

  Peggy looked out the window. “I didn’t have much experience with guys. At Dartmouth it was all about beer, parties and how fast they could get a girl into bed.”

  “I tried that, remember?”

  “Not at first, you didn’t. That’s what made you different. You seemed to be genuinely interested in what I thought about things. We had some great conversations.”

  “Even with Skip’s filling up every night, the kids outside, I still felt alone. It changed after I met you.”

  “There are things I told you that I’ve never told anybody else.”

  “Not even your husband?”

  “No, that’s different. There are no secrets between Joe and me. I mean up to then, with you. I never dreamed of voicing my inner thoughts to anyone. You made it okay.”

  “Trust, I think. I talked a lot, too.”

  “Yes, and I loved it. Here was this talented guy who waited for me to come back after driving Alice home every night, just so we could sit on Tillie’s porch and talk half the time until dawn. You have no idea how thrilling it was for this farm girl. When that first summer was over I almost didn’t want to go back to school. I couldn’t wait to get home at Thanksgiving and Christmas so we could talk some more, then again all the next summer. I saved all these things inside to tell you.”

  After breakfast, almost feeling like they were back in the same place eight years earlier, they slowly walked back to Jimmy’s cabin.

  “Do you have some time?” Jimmy asked, unable to disguise his hope.

  “A few hours. I have to pick up the girls at two.”

  “Take your pick, we can canoe the lake or climb Pisgah.”

  “Let’s climb.”

  They perched together on the same granite ledge Jimmy had found a day earlier. For a few minutes they simply gazed out at Lake Willoughby, wordless. Peggy sat down and played with a few pebbles on the ground between her legs. Then she broke the silence.

  “Am I the reason you came back?”

  “I didn’t know until I saw you this morning.”

  “What did you mean when you said you were sorry?”

  “Not saying good-bye.”

  “I always hoped we’d see each other again.”

  “Here we are.”

  “I pestered Skip after you disappeared. I knew you went home for your father’s funeral, but it wasn’t clear that you weren’t coming back until he told me you had the gig in Cambridge.”

  “Tim Rash.”

  “Rash?”

  “He put me onto Passim, recommended me to Pinky, the owner. She let me play there for a year. Gave me the audience that led to my break.”

  “I should have known it was Timmy. Alice said she saw you there before you went to New York.”

  “I wanted to try different sounds. Pinky wouldn’t tolerate electric in her place. I was still acoustic and solo with the Gibson and a piano. She made me learn the harmonica, too. I saw Alice, but she didn’t stay long enough for us to talk.”

  Peggy changed the subject. “Do you remember water skiing at Crystal Lake?”

  “Sure, you, me and Alice. Good times. Ski all day, barbecue, then back to Skip’s for the nightly sets.”

  “I mean the times we went back alone, after I brought Alice home.”

  “At night? Sure, got wasted a few of those times.” Jimmy grimaced. “Put a few moves on you. Made a fool of myself.”

  “Yes, but you were good about it. I said no, you stopped.”

  “What brings that to mind?”

  “For a long time after you left I regretted not giving in to you.”

  “As I recall, it was about saving yourself for the right man whenever he came along. Did you?”

  “Yes. Joe was worth waiting for.”

  “Then I’m glad you stuck to your guns.”

  “It was your drinking.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If you weren’t into Skip’s scotch so much, I’d have given in.”

  “It’s my nemesis, then and now.”

  “Skip turned you into an alcoholic. He sent the drinks to you up on the stage all night long, but he never taught you how to deal with it. Alice writes about the drug scene in her articles, but nobody writes about alcohol. When I heard about your trouble in Atlantic City I knew right away, that was it.”

  “Jimmy turned Jimmy into an alcoholic.”

  “And, now?”

  “I’m working on it.”

  “You look good. Professional help?”

  “On my own. I almost slipped last night with Skip.”

  “Don’t slip.”

  “It gets a little easier everyday, but I’m never really free.”

  “That’s why people need help.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “So, what’s your plan?” Peggy changed the subject abruptly again. Jimmy had heard this question from her before.

  “I don’t have any answers.”

  “You wanted to write songs and produce a Broadway musical, remember?”

  “I wrote a few songs. The musical was just a college kid’s dream.”

  Peggy selected more pebbles from the ground and tossed them over the side. She turned to look at him for the first time since they sat down.

  “I was frantic after you left. I started out for Massachusetts to find you a half a dozen times, always stopping and turning around at White River Junction. I’d come back to the farm crying. Finally, Hillary took me down to Peterborough, New Hampshire to one of her weekend poetry seminars. It was all a pretense. As soon as we arrived, she handed me the keys and told me to go find you. She demanded that I either bring you back or finish with you. She said, ‘Don’t come home crying anymore.”

  “I drove to Cambridge and found Passim. It was late afternoon, so I parked down the street and waited, watching the door. I couldn’t get up the courage to go inside. Then, there you were, walking down the sidewalk, carrying the Gibson. I ne
ver got out of the car.”

  “Why?”

  “I decided you would have to be the one to come for me. If you could just leave me behind without a word after two years of sharing every secret…”

  “You could’ve called or written.”

  “I could have called! I could have written! What about you? How could you do that to me?”

  He couldn’t withstand her gaze. He looked away, grasping for the excuse he’d hidden behind for years. “My father, it happened suddenly. I had to go home.”

  “Oh, Jimmy, don’t say that. I would have been there for you. You know I would. You didn’t give me a chance. If that was the reason, all you had to do was let me know.”

  “I needed to go home, deal with the funeral, my mother, clear my head.”

  “It’s your heart, not your head you damn fool! Who else have you abandoned while you hide behind that lie?” She stood and walked to the edge of the overlook, half-heartedly letting the last pebbles drop from her hands. “We should go.”

  Jimmy didn’t move. “I went to your graduation.” Peggy came back and sat down beside him, closer. “I drove to Hanover and wandered around the campus until noon. I had this long shot idea that somehow, I’d find you off by yourself somewhere for a moment, but the procession began and all I could do was find a spot in the crowd to watch.”

  “I didn’t see you.”

  “There were too many people. You marched down the green with your classmates. Typical Peg, eyes straight ahead. You were even with me when I lifted my hand, but then you saw your family up ahead. You broke into a big smile and shouted. I decided not to interrupt. It was your time and theirs. I listened to the speeches, heard your name called with the Economics group and watched you link up with your family. Then I headed back to Cambridge.”